A bump in the road...

There are certain things that are particularly worrisome for a woman, one of these things being the discovery of a lump in her breast. This worry can be magnified when there is a known family history of such lumps leading to a sad result. So as the daughter of a wonderful woman who died at an unfortunately young age from breast cancer, when I recently discovered a lump it's not surprising that I was a bit concerned.

It was a rather random discovery, not even intentional. Even with my family history, as a (till very recently) 20-something, it's not something I had been particularly nervous about in the near term as I'm very young. I mean, aside from the yearly checkup or self-exam after catching a report on TV, I didn't think of it much. So it came as a shock when I extended my arms upward in a stretch after my evening working and unconsciously reached toward my rib sensing something there. Sure enough, on my left side was a rather large, hard ball. My immediate thought was, 'oh sh*t, how did that get there?' It was nothing I had even noticed before and now from nowhere I was feeling a huge quarter-sized lump.

So mentally, I was concerned but not panicked. One... I'm a very positive person, and two... there's no need to be nervous about something I hadn't had examined yet. At the same time, I wasn't exactly sipping a margarita with my feet kicked up. Several things started going through my mind. As an educated person, I know the statistics, both positive and negative. I've had several friends in the last couple of years discover lumps and it be nothing; I've also known those rare cases of young women who weren't as lucky. I also started thinking about how ironic I'd make a discovery now when in the last couple of months I had become so healthy. I'm probably in the best shape of my adult life. I workout nearly every day, I run up to 3 miles each week and have started competing in 5Ks, and I eat a very healthy and balanced diet. I am noticeably more lean and toned, and even have an impressive 6-pack going. So it's odd that at the healthiest point of my life I would be having my most significant health concern.

Anyway, I made this discovery during the evening so I couldn't set a doctor's appointment until the morning. So the next morning I walked up to the doctor's office to set an appointment. As I'm at the front desk, I'm setting the appointment and I get to the obvious question from the nurse, "what's the purpose of your appointment?" It was odd but I kinda whispered, 'I found a lump'. Then she gave me this sad look of worry and tried to bump up my appointment. So the appointment got set, and even though we tried for a quicker date, the best that could be done was a week later.

So a week goes by and I finally get to see my doctor. My attitude was pretty upbeat during the wait, but I still had the lump and it still hadn't been defined. But overall, I have good instincts, intuition and attitude, and none of it was telling me to be overly concerned. And the little bit of concern that did creep in was saying that if the prognosis wasn't what I was anticipating, I would be able to deal. I was thinking about that as I walked into the exam room at the doctor's. She did the exam. Since it was a large lump (and I'm no Pamela Lee Anderson), it only took her a quick second to find it, at which time she says, "oh yeah, it's there." That, by the way, did not help my concern about how big it was. What did help is she immediately started talking about how it wasn't necessarily cancerous, but could be a cycle-related cyst, especially since it appeared so suddenly. She also told me to avoid feeling it as it may irritate it. So we finished up and she made an appointment for the next step: the mammogram.

I had to wait another week for the mammogram which was at another location. This was an interesting experience as I'm so young and everyone in that waiting room... wasn't. Most would qualify easily as my grandmother, even great-grandmother. After filling out my paperwork, I was given a certificate for a free pearl necklace, and I am eligible for additional pearls each year I get an exam. I thought that was pretty cool. Anyway, I was called and headed into the mammogram room. I have heard such horror stories, I was a bit concern about the pain. But honestly, it wasn't that bad. After taking full-on kicks and punches in martial arts, getting my breast extremely squashed wasn't horrible, especially knowing it was only for my benefit. And this lump was in a very hard to catch spot, so the poor technician did nothing but apologize as she tugged and pushed on my back. After all that, we only got one half decent shot as it was laying on my rib. Once she got that shot, she said, "Given your family history, we're probably going to need to take that out." 'Okay,' I thought. Since we did only get the one clear shot, she ran down to the ultrasound room to see if I could get that too. Ultrasounds allow for a far better view. Fortunately, someone showed up late to their ultrasound so they made room for me. Other than the cold gel and still walking around exposed to the world, the ultrasound was kinda cool. It was at this point I could really see it and my concerned significantly dropped. It looked like a really simple ball. Having seen shots of cancerous tumors, this looked far from it, but I'm no doctor. But 20 minutes later I walked into the oncologist's office and she told me the same and even matched my opinion. It was a "simple cyst". Basically, it's big round fatty ball showing now signs of cancer. That I could handle, and what remaining small amount of concern I had evaporated. But given my history and it's size she suggesting I get it drained a bit by another doctor.

So another week later at a different location, I arrived at the appointment for having the lump drained. I had been avoiding searching for it like I was told by my primary physician, but since I hadn't done so in a while, I decided to do a self exam. To my surprise, no lump. That's right, the huge quarter-size ball was apparently gone. But I'm no doctor. So I walked in to the room with a nurse and we quickly realize she lives in my apartment complex, and she sees me doing my run regularly. Funny. She also asked if it was cool if some interns observed my exam. I said it was fine. Then she handed me a robe the size of a mu mu, apologized for it's ridiculous size, and left only to return a few minutes later with the doc and 2 interns. I told him I was pretty sure it was gone. He proceeded to check. So here I was, totally exposed from the belt up, getting my chest felt up by a male doc I had known all of 3 minutes while 2 interns and my nurse neighbor looked on. (By the way, it made it a bit weird when I did see her at the complex the next day.) What was funnier was the doc and I are just talking and joking about various unrelated topics during this exam. For whatever reason, I was on a roll and had the interns cracking up. Apparently, breast exams bring out the comedian in me. Anyway, he finished up, came to my same conclusion, I paid for the appointment, set up an appointment for a following mammogram checkup in a few months, and I left.

So that's it. No lump for now. The whole experience was quite informative. It was probably the first time in my life when I truly thought about my mortality, and it put some things in perspective. So I guess the lesson is live life to the fullest, don't sweat the stupid stuff, and ladies and guys don't forget your regular self-exams.

Keeping In Touch...

I'm a relatively busy person, and my schedule can make it hard for me to keep in contact with my friends as much as I'd like to. But just recently, it hit me that my way of staying abreast of the going-ons of many friends and acquaintances had changed... thanks to Facebook (and MySpace, somewhat). It's kinda sad, but outlets I once praised for allowing me to connect with friends I hadn't seen in years at the same time allows me to feel I know about the more significant events in their lives without ever picking up the phone.

A few months ago I hung out with a friend and his girlfriend on a Saturday, and they seemed quite happy. By Monday I saw a profile update popup on my facebook home page that said they were "no longer in a relationship." So after giving it some time I spoke to my friend who says, "I guess you heard," and I respond, 'well, sorta'. That's the thing; I don't need to "hear" anything. Just be on a networking site. And this is a case where I actually chat and see this friend regularly. I haven't seen one of my good friend in months but I'm able to track the growth of her baby through posted pictures. Another friend I have seen maybe once in last 2 years, but no worries... a quick read of her profile and I know she broke up with her longtime boyfriend, is tired of men, switched her orientation to bi, cut her hair and now loves the show "The L-Word" and Ellen DeGeneres. And an old school friend who was a quiet, nerdy, glasses-wearing bookworm? Well, she's now a contact-wearing stylish fun girl who is no doubt out throwing back drinks (usually shots) come the weekend. I've got friends/acquantainces that are everywhere from Dubai to Namibia to Honduras right now... and it's not like I'm opening any profiles, these are just what I know from status updates. These are just a handful of examples, but any divorce, marriage, child birth, job change, mood change, pet purchase, travel plans, lunch plans and on and on and on... I can learn about in 2 seconds off a website without even a word spoken to someone. Seems a bit impersonal...

I don't know. It's just interesting that as technology moves us forward, the benefit of progress can sometimes mean a sacrifice in good ol' human interaction.

"Make my way back home when I learn to fly..."

So I got to fly... sorta. As a part of my "do sh*t I always wanted to do so I'm doing it in my last year of my 20s" list, I went indoor skydiving / windtunnel flying. Long story short, it is both fun and harder than you would think. The instructor my group had was great, but took a very hands-off approach, which meant a lot of flopping around at times. You can't even feel him holding you so it really wouldn't have hurt if he guiding us a bit more in the beginning like the other instructors I observed, but anyway, still a blast to do. I highly recommend it. Everyone should have a "flying" sensation at least once in their lives and this is one of the safest ways to do it. (Because jumping out of an airplane at 10,000 feet ain't for everyone!) I'm a bit of a rollercoaster wimp and even I loved it. Admittedly, reviews from the group were mixed but I think the key is to get an instructor who will give you a comfortable level of support until you know what you're doing.

I recommend to anyone interested (in the northeast) to check out the facility in the Meadowlands that will be complete in the next year. Otherwise, the closest location to NY is in New Hampshire.

I flew for about 3 total minutes (1 minute flights) but here is a brief clip...

Black woman on a snowboard...

As mentioned in an earlier blog post, I set several goals at the beginning of this year, and high on my list was finally going skiing or snowboarding. This past weekend I achieved that goal! I was THE black woman on a snowboard at Sno Mountain in PA this weekend. Really... the only one. I did see like 8 black people total maybe, out of the (easily) 1000+ at the place but they were on skiis. I had absolutely no experience and I braved the snowboard... which meant having to go flying down a slope with both my feet attached to a board. I was nothing but excited about it before, and after doing it, it was even more fun than I had imagined.

Thankfully there were lessons offered at this place so I got to learn all the basics. I think the lesson was the most tiring part. I was sweating hard after an hour of it. But I got to get the hang of the thing and learn all the terms. After an hour lesson I was feeling pretty good. I was ready to go!

They should have spent more time during the lesson explaining how not to bust one's ass coming off the lift. 'Cause I busted it bad every damn time. Whoever decided to stick a HUGE dip right as you get off a moving seat obviously did so without beginners in mind. I think it's especial awkward for a snowboarder. Anyway, after getting off the lift the first time I set up to go down the hill. After strapping in and getting up, I set off down the slope. I was flying! I didn't do any carving (making a "S" as I went) because I didn't want to break the flow. When I got near the bottom I did the proper stop and didn't fall! It was one of the most fun things I've ever done in my life, and I did it without falling first time down the slope. I screamed like I won a million dollars, and people looked at me like I was crazy. Unfortunately that wasn't the time I got on camera.

I continued to go back up and bust my behind coming off the lift, but I did realize I would fair better if I sat on the left side of the lift rather than the right (though I still fell but not as quickly). I was very proud of the fact that I was only falling when trying to avoid people falling in front of me. We were taught how to turn and whatnot, but when you see someone go down in front of you, the immediate thought is not 'turn ever so gently' but your mind instead goes 'STOP!!!' So that's what I'd do.... and I'd fall. But falling is actually fun on a snowboard. The adjacent photo is right after a "stop!!" moment. You can see a girl in light blue lying down on the left behind the people who I was trying not to hit. BUT before I stopped, my snowboarding partner got the good part of my trip down the slope all on video, but I don't have it yet. Though I am definitely going to post it and send it to *everyone* I know :). I don't care it was only the bunny slope, I was a pro and I'm proud of it!

Anyway, I was cold and exhausted after not too long and went inside and got drinks, which I have to say is a great part of the ski resort experience. Having an alcoholic drink while watching everyone ski and having a live singer/acoustic guitar player was awesome. The whole experience was awesome. I definitely plan to go again and next time I might give skiing a shot, but I have a feeling snowboarding is more my thing.

Soooo, next up, indoor-skydiving...

New Year!: "Get right, or get left"...

It's 2008! Seems like yesterday I was throwing back champagne and greeting in 2007, and now it's all over. Aside from achieving my martial arts goals, I don't feel I achieved much of anything last year and feel like I am at about the same point I was this time last January. But I'm going to work on that this year.

I don't make resolutions, but I'm always about setting goals... life goals. There's this writing making the email rounds by TD Jakes called "Let It Go". I let stupid mess bother me way too much, so the message in that of letting crap go is definitely one for me in the new year. This year I'm going get back to traveling more. I'm usually hopping in my car every other weekend to go places, and last year that fell off. Not this year. I'm going to see new places and make sure I see all the friends and family that don't live near me. I'm even going to reduce my overall martial arts participation to do so. Life is short; gotta see the loved ones regularly. Whenever I get moody, I'm going to go running. I don't particularly care for it, heck, I hate it but after I always feel great. And cardio is important, so I feel better AND extend my life. :-) Speaking of extending my life, I'm turning 30 this year. I'm realizing there's too much stuff I haven't done yet, so I'm going to make sure I go skiing/snowboarding, (indoor) skydiving, and maybe fit in going on a cruise, to name a few. As far as work, I'm going to get my stress levels in check and bring out all the parts I love about my job and where I work as much as possible.

I'm looking forward to a happy, productive new year.